Wednesday, July 31, 2013


As many of you have gathered from previous posts, I'm not a fan of the wild creatures that inhabit the world outside my front door.

I love my gardens, I enjoy the grass on my toes, camping to a limited degree, and I do enjoy watching the birds come to the bird feeder my grandfather built on my deck.

I actually consider it one of my favorite past times to sit at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee and watch the graceful creatures come and go about their business.

I can't think of anything more calming (Ok. In truth, I can think of a few things...)

But there seems to be one thing; one creature, that enjoys making a mockery of this beloved past time.

A bushy tailed, germ ridden, ugly, black squirrel.

A creature so vile it laughs in my face as it chases my birds away, so persistent that no amount of me running on my deck, waving my arms, and yelling in foul language will keep it from returning, and apparently it has no stomach because he's costing me half a paycheck in bird seed to keep the feeder full!

But that isn't even the worst of it.

Oh no.

What really gets my dander up, is when the vermin disassembles the flower bed at the side of my house in search of his free meal.

My gardens are a sacred space. I wont even allow my children near them.

And yet this...this...this thing proceeds to desecrate it with his little disease ridden paws. Tearing up the mulch, kicking up the flowers, and knocking over my statue of St. Frances of Assisi (whom I've nick-named Frankie).

Now, please note, I am not Catholic. Frankie came with the house when we bought it in February and I kept him because it just seemed sacrilegious to throw away a Saint. I really didn't need that brand of bad karma. (That and I figured if the Catholics see fit to pray to him for the safety and protection of their birds and animals, then that's good enough for me).

But, unfortunately, I don't think that bad karma extends to "innocent" animals. So the blankety-blank squirrel (and probably his entire family) continue to ruin the only place in my home that is all mine.

It's too bad I don't agree with animal violence. Because I think of a few ways to get rid of him...  

But until the development of some animal friendly Squirrel-Be-Gone I have a feeling he will be there. Laughing at me and eating all my bird food.


  1. I know all too well about trying to get unwanted animals out of my garden! Good luck, I hope you find a solution that is workable for everyone, perhaps even for the squirrel involved =)

    1. I do too. I hate animal cruelty but love stew so...JK!!!

  2. I don't mind wild animals as long as they keep their distance and stay out of the house! When I was a teenager I spent the night at a friends house. The next morning when I went to the bathroom I found a squirrel in the toilet!!! YES! A SQUIRREL IN THE TOILET! Scared me to death. I ran off screaming. She said that was the second time that had happened! How in the world does that happen, twice????

    1. I spewed out my coffee reading this! Seriously though!!! How does that happen. And she talks about it like it's no big deal!

    2. Oh.My.God. I would be so excited to find a squirrel in my house! I caught a chipmunk in a cooler once so I decided to bring it home & make it my pet! He wasn't having it though. Do you know how fast & high chipmunks can jump? Uh SUPER. hahaha

  3. I can't even imagine! I too enjoy sitting at my kitchen window and watching nature as it simply does it's thing but once it starts occupying my space I get a but touchy as well...I hope things works out for you some way...maybe there is a different type of feed that the birds will still like but would give Mr. Squirrel a bit of indigestion? ;)

  4. I know! I see this cute little bunny family eating dead patches in my lawn and i want to wish them far, far, away. In a nonviolent way of course. {cough}

    1. Yes. Non-voilent, but potentially edible.

  5. Squirrels are the WORST VERMIN!! I don't know why more people are not disturbed by them.

    My dog agrees and she patrols our yard during her bathroom breaks to terrorize them. They quake at the pitter patter of her paws...then roam freely when she comes back inside.

    We need another squirrel hating dog and then cycle the times they go outside to keep ever vigilant. --Lisa

  6. Our dogs chase squirrels like there is no tomorrow. One time a squirrel threw nuts at us from a tree. I had to laugh at that one. They're pretty resourceful!


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