Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Minivan Moms

I swear its like a game. A small way to get their jollies in their sad, I-live-only-for-my-children, mom-jeaned lives.

All I want to do is take my son to school.

To drop him off with-out getting hit by a bus, and to leave in a timely manner so I can get my toddler home for his nap BEFORE he decides to let the whole neighborhood know he is unhappy and tired.

But no.

That is just not possible when your child attends school with the children of the Mini-van Moms (Yes, I do see the similarity to the "Children of the Corn" movie title. Honestly, at this point, it's practically the same thing).

Now, before I go any farther, let me be clear. I don't hate anyone who drives a mini-van. 

I have some great friends who happen to be mini-van drivers. As a child my parents always drove a mini-van and my mother-in-law drives a mini-van (Ok, that is probably a bad example).

The point is, I'm not trying to say that every single person alive who drives a mini-van should be stoned in the street (Although, I may agree that your sanity is in question. But that's just my opinion and who really listens to that?).

What I'm really getting at is that this particular set of Mini-van Moms are ruthless.

They find a sick pleasure in punishing those of us who aren't part of their little coffee drinking, fashion-less, I-can't-stop-procreating group.
And try as I might to avoid them, I somehow always manage to (literally) get squished between them.

I'm not sure if it's because they've forgotten what it's like to have to actually OPEN a car door to get out, or because they truly have no idea how to drive that boat called a vehicle; but NONE of these Moms can seem to properly park.

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to try and get into the car and not have enough room to unlock the door. Let alone open it and put my 2 year old in his car seat.

I've even attempted to change my parking habits. Because I'm a good girl and was taught growing up that when you are upset with someone else's behavior, you should be the bigger person and change your own.

But alas, no dice.

They still find me.

I'm beginning to think they have my car low jacked. 

And up until now I've been nice, truly; I smile when they get back and politely ask them to not park so close next time. I try to laugh when they take it as a minor occurrence and let it roll off their backs. After all, we are all moms here. We are all up way too early for this. We have all spent the morning fighting children into clothes, jackets, and shoes.

And I may be irritated because of they way they park, but they may get annoyed by my choice in loud music.

But, honestly, I'm tired of it.

It takes 2 seconds to correct an improperly parked vehicle. 2 seconds....maybe 3. (Ok, maybe a little longer in such a big vehicle and in an overly busy parking lot. But really, I think if you've been able to handle Tommy's screaming, little Cindy's humming, and the twin's arguing this long, you can handle it for a few more seconds).

So fix your damn van.

If not, then the next time you come back to your over-sized boat-on-wheels you're going to find this taped just above the 6 inch dent I'm going to leave in your sliding door...
*Deep Breath*

Ok that was mean and I really should control my Irish temper, otherwise my Momma is going to leave a strongly worded comment...

But, seriously. They're already ordered.

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