Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Losing My Mind and the Duck Tape

There comes a time in a child's life when the gloves have to come off.

When their parents can no longer play fair and laugh at their innocent antics.

A time when, frankly, you have to play dirty with your kids or risk drowning in their pool of personality.

I have reached such a time.

I don't know if it was the move. (We recently relocated for my Husbands new job). Or if it's just the age. 

But the newest habbit of my beautiful, intelligent and youngest son is to remove his diaper.

Sounds cute right?

You can picture it now, can't you?

A half naked little boy running through the house, little butt cheeks peeking around corners when he's trying to hide from you.

Something adorable, right out of a disney movie.


No.

No, it's not.

Imagine this instead:

A diaper laying on the floor where a sweet little angel removed and threw it.

A smell that takes your breath away the second you enter the room.

And a brand new painting decorating your white bedroom walls...

And the floor...

And the bed...

And the clean pile of clothes you havent had a chance to put away yet...

And the baby.

Goop in his hair, on his hands, feet, and any other place both visible and not.

Can you picture it?

I can.

I've lived it.

Many times.

What's the big deal, you ask?

He's just a little boy. He just needs to be taught.

Haven't met my kid have you?

There's no teaching this child.

I have been told on multiple occasions by some of the most elderly individuals I know, that they have never in their lives seen a child as mischievious and inteligent as this one.

Think a brunette Dennis the Mennis with an older sibling to pick on and you've just about nailed my son.

Just about.

So what's a mom to do?

I've tried layering the clothes....yeah, right.

Disciplining.

And I've even tried the laid back method..."boys will be boys, if you don't react he'll get bored with the behavior and it will stop."

Who comes up with this crap?!?!

So I turned to the only avenue that would allow me to sleep at night without a bucket of water and a sponge beside my bed...

Duck Tape.

Industrial strength, you aren't getting this off until you die, Duck Tape.

I know what you're thinking:

How can you do something like that?!

What kind of mother are you?!

I'm a mother who can now sleep at night after an entire summer and fall of daiper removing hell.

I'm a mother who no longer has to take an hour and a half out of my busy day (and/or) night to clean a mess that was never ending.

I'm a mother who hasn't had to scrub poop off the cieling of my son's room in 2 months because he can't get his diaper off.

At least, not until the other night.

When I lost the Duck Tape.

Imagine if you can, everything I described above.

All the horror and endless smell MULTIPIED BY TEN.

Getting back at me for months of making him keep his diaper on?

Most likely.

But I've learned 3 things from all of this:

1. 2 year old boys were sent to this earth to torture and kill thier mothers. (It's a simple fact. Ask the mother of any little boy and I garantee they will agree.)

2. Processed food makes the smell worse.

3. I will never, ever run out or lose the Duck Tape again. (I have successfully purchased every last roll of Duck Tape this town has to offer and you'll have to pay a substantial amount if you need one).

3 comments:

  1. oh but i do need duct tape. just a wee bit for my laptop's battery. redneck. i know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Available for a substaintial amount only, sorry. Altough, we may be able to work out a deal. I can be bribed. Chocolate chip cookies are my favorite! ;0)

      Kendra

      Delete
  2. ...the reason why I cannot have children...poop and vomit. But, I mean, I'm sure they're worth it. Hot mess and all!

    ReplyDelete

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