Totally Buggin' Out

On beautiful summer days there is nothing I like more than opening all my windows and listening to the sounds of nice weather.

Birds signing, children laughing, the neighbors doing yard work. Even the occasional loud base system driving by all screams 'SUMMER' to me.

But there is one down fall to the nice weather that I can never quite adjust to.

Bugs.

They say that these creepy little pests are placed on the beautiful earth to kill each other and keep our ecosystem all balanced out.

What a load of bull.

Sorry.

Not buying it.

I firmly believe that these little irritants were hatched for the mere purpose of making life on this planet miserable and more disgusting.

And to keep people up at night wondering just where they went when they ran as you approached them with that shoe...

And sorry, there's nothing you can say to change my mind.

Case and point.

Last night I was enjoying the wonderful simplicity of having everyone in bed and the house quiet.

We've had company for the last week staying with us (hence the blogging inactivity. Sorry) and they had left earlier that afternoon to enjoy a summer vacation by the beach.

So I decided to settle in and enjoy the latest episodes of The Bachelorette and Mistresses (yes I'm a junky. It's my life, don't judge me) which, due to the stupid cable company, I missed on Monday.

The evenings' temperature was a perfect 74 degrees, meaning it wasn't so hot I needed AC or so chilly that I couldn't have my windows open. (Which was amazing all by itself since, as anyone living in the Northeast part of the US can attest to, our weather this summer has been spastic).

I had all my windows opened, an ice cold glass of pepsi, and some relaxing candles lit.

Now, I'm bad at math. But this is the kind of equation that sits well with me:

Ice Cold Pepsi + Bachelorette - children = bliss.

As I was switching between my shows I happened to notice this annoying clicking sound coming from over by my back door.

Why do bugs in this part of the state have to be so friggin' loud?!

Go bother someone else.

They're recapping how Alyssa Milano did the dirty with that gorgeous lawyer man and you're ruining it.

Needless to say I didn't think much of it. After all, screen doors were invented for a reason.

Suddenly, however, I became acutely aware of a mass amount of bugs buzzing around my living room.

What.

The.

H. E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS is going on?

*Pause for Dramatic Effect*

You know that feeling you get when you suddenly realize you've forgotten something REALLY important? How your stomach sorta sinks in and you randomly start to sweat?

At this point in time, that feeling hits me.

I didn't check the screen door on the deck...

(Here is when the theme song to Jaws begins to play)

So I get up.

And slowly approach the door...

All the while knowing that the closer I got to that door the more danger I was putting myself in.

I reached out...

Why did it HAVE so dark out there?!

And...

the damned door is wide open.

Who didn't shut the door as they were running in and out last night I still don't know, but now I was faced with the miserable question...

How am I gonna get rid of all these bugs before they eat me and my children to death?

(And before Husband wakes up and realizes what happened, giving him new material to use against me whenever is convenient for him).

So what does my brilliant butt do? Why, I grab my brand new, really expensive bottle of hairspray and start going at 'em.

I don't know why.

I never said I was good at this stuff.

I just figured, if the stuff is making me choke when I use it then it's bound to kill them off and it's better than spraying a can of Raid throughout my living room.

Right?

So picture me in all my late night glory; jumping on furniture, running through the living room, and practically having a mental breakdown all while continuously pushing the spray nossel on this overly priced can of hairspray.

And trying not to scream while doing it. 

After all, if I wake up the family screaming then the waste of my hairspray was fruitless.

But as it turns out I was wrong about the killing ability of hairspray anyway.

I was still left with a million wiggly bugs on my walls (and ceiling, and I even found one floating in my pepsi....I don't even want to go there) and an half empty bottle of hairspray.

Bugs 1 Kendra 0